SURRENDER

Surrender to me means giving in to a struggle. This is more of a personal note from me about transitioning from the work/land scene to the cruising scene. Maybe a little trendy talk about mindfulness:) Sometimes my mind is like the “haunted forest of toxic jibber-jabber” (a phrase from Tristan Jones, author of the Incredible Voyage). I try to avoid toxic people but sometimes I find myself toxic. 

When I say this, it is because I may appear quite adaptable and act adaptable but not without a lot of self-talk at times. My personal metamorphosis from a life in the working world to the sailboat is a bit of acceptance for me. I will lose some of the conveniences of life on land but will gain a stillness in my mind that is invaluable. 

I use exercise as my chill pill. It works great for me. When I go exercise it has the same effect on me as valium to others. I can get rid of my anxious energy which allows me to think better and even interact with others better. But even then my mind can race. I am a forward thinker, Stephen tells me. I have a hard time enjoying the present moment because I am always planning the next move. It must be a security thing for me. I don’t know. I like to know what the plan is and he is fine just to be. 

After a month of being back on the boat and 10 of those days at sea, I finally had a true moment of stillness in my mind. I felt like I was able to take in my surroundings without distractions, internally or externally. It helped to be in an anchorage without other boats, incredible weather, and peaceful surroundings but IT HaPPENED! I am grateful for the experience and welcome more. We cannot have change without loss. In my mind, I felt like I “lost” some of my comforts of land life but without that loss, I could not appreciate the simplicity of the life I was now in. I love camping and backpacking and have always been attracted to those activities for their simplicity but I never did them for a month or more. I loved checking out or better yet checking “in” as my friend says, for that week or two of outdoors living. Being on the boat each time for more than 6 months is an extended time frame of that same conscious, thoughtful living. I say this because I am able to access more resources when not on the boat such as food, water, internet, whatever. The boat provides for me but it is more of an effort to achieve those comforts we take for granted. On the same token, escaping the ability to get whatever you want, whenever you want, grants you the feeling of gratefulness which can be easily forgotten. 

It is still an effort for me to quiet my mind. 

“ Those Himalayas of the mind

Are not so easily possessed

There’s more than precipice and storm

Between you and your Everest.”

C. Day Lewis

I did want to pursue the adventures of sailing and I knew it would be challenging. Sailing helps with my “emotional presbyopia”, allowing me to pull back and see the bigger picture ( quote from Lori Gottlieb/book Maybe you should talk to someone). Also to work on my lack of patience, “ Patience requires endurance and effort. It’s defined as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.” 

This is turning into a ramble and but the point of this haunted house of toxic jibber-jabber is that loss, change, heartbreak (which did not happen) but anything that disrupts your routine, your comfort level, makes you anxious, uncomfortable, uneasy, SHOULD BE ENCOUNTERED with emotional presbyopia as there is an opportunity to learn about yourself and the world. And as disruptive as it is, IT MAY QUIET YOUR MIND AND SOUL!